Well, I woke up yesterday thinking how easy things had been. No reaction to the zometa (which I'd expected in the first hour after I'd had it), no real pain from the biopsy (first time it hurt so little) and basically I was on a high and feeling pretty positive about the whole 6 months ahead. After all, everyone has kept telling me that you can just keep going on the CTD induction therapy and that it doesn't have a major impact. And I believed them.....stupid perhaps!
So all was going well till yesterday lunchtime when I started to feel quite achy in my collar bone and ribs. Nick suggested it was just a reaction to being so tense during the biopsy. But by the evening every bit of my body was aching and I had cramps in my calves too. It felt like mild flu with my neck being particularly uncomfortable. Anyway, I'd got an evening out planned to celebrate a friends 40th and I was damned if I was going to miss that....so off I went and had a few glasses of wine.
By the time I got back at 11.30, the aching was really getting me down and poor Nick had me in tears about it. I so hadn't expected a side effect from the zometa and yet here I was feeling like this. No-one had told me I might feel bad from it so it was totally out of the blue for me. And then I admitted to Nick, that I hadn't really expected many side effects until I got to transplant time.....and he thought I was joking! I have listened to so many people telling me it doesn't affect you too badly, that I think I'd gone to the opposite extreme...no wonder I've been able to be so positive. And no wonder everyone thought I was being remarkably brave.....in reality it seems that I've just buried my head in the sand! Ooops!
So today, I'm a bit nervous of what the next 6 months will hold for us. I still want to try to be strong, but I have this feeling I'm going to be more wiped out by this treatment than I had expected. So if I pull out of things, please forgive me, and if I don't behave in the way you expect, I hope I'll be back to normal soon. I need to be strong for the kids (and for Nick) but that might not leave much left for anyone else!
Anyway, better go and get lunch on now....
I really hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteThis really is all about YOU and you have to be the one to make the calls as to what you can do and what has to wait or be put aside. Those friends who "get' what this is about will be the ones you can count on through the tough times. I intend the best outcome for you and that this ultimately brings about the results you are seeking.
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