The day started with a meeting with Faith who said that the PN was now significant enough that she felt it was better for me to come off it and move on to transplant. Nick and I were happy to agree as it has been so long coming - here's hoping we don't regret it! She talked us through a bit of the process and a few of our concerns, and more crucially (?!) she agreed to us going on holiday to Devon beforehand. I didn't think that we would even have to check, but they have been quite concerned in case I become ill....apparently my immune system will be pretty low after the chemo.
|Bone Marrow Equipment|
We also asked to take a look round the ward I'd be on..it seems there are 2. One where you share a room with up to 3 other people, and one where you have your own room. Now the single room sounds remarkably appealing....ensuite, tv, computer with internet, what more could you want. Versus shared room: internet (not yet working), shared bathroom in the corridor, and having to share with 3 other people. I so wish that I had the choice but sadly I don't. The likelihood is I will be on the joint ward which I am sure will be fine when it comes to it. And there is a strong chance there, that I might make some friends which I suppose would be less likely if I am in a single room on a different ward.....I will keep searching for those positives, but that ensuite will be sorely missed!!!!
Since then, time has been busy, not sure what I've really been doing????!!!! I don't seem to have got hugely prepared and am trying to do some of that today. I think a lot of time has been spent talking to people, about me and about my mum's op. I've also been trying to see her more although Sam being sick put pay to that on Monday which was my dad's birthday. She is really worried about her operation and I wish I could take that worry away from her. I want, and need her to be positive. I know how hard that can be, but I am also so aware of how important that is to a good recuperation, and given that she goes in on Monday, I need her to be well and truly recuperated before I go in. I don't know if I could go in for mine if she wasn't doing well...I think I might have to postpone it.
I've also been suffering the last 2 or 3 days with even worse PN. Last night I lay there in bed with my feet and calves just throbbing....my toes felt like they were broken and the rest just hurt like I've never had them hurt before. I feel quite depressed today with it as it makes it so hard for me to walk...I look like an old lady. When I think that before I started treatment I had no side effects to all intent purposes, this has become quite rehabilitating and quite difficult to come to terms with. I find it so hard that I can't walk far, and that I am really pretty unable to take the kids anywhere now. I am still driving but not sure that I should be. I can't bear to stop though and to have to admit that it has got quite that bad. I suppose I keep thinking tomorrow it might be better. And I have SO SO much to do, that not being able to drive to town etc would make life so much more difficult. And part of me keeps just saying that perhaps I'm overreacting.....
|1st Wig - front view|
|2nd Wig - like my current style|